There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
