Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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