u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
