there's paper in my vomit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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