i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
