Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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