If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
