Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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