Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
