How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
