kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
