Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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