you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
