so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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