I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
