I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
