You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
