once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
