So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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