Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
