I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
porn star boner night. come get it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
