I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
