Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
