I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
