you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
