dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize