I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
