that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
