I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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