I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
