Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
