3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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