At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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