I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
