so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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