I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
