...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
