I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
