rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize