Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
