dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
