hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
