just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
