No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
