Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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