He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize