good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
