the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
