hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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