i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize