I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
