just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
