i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
