Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And then he peed in my hair
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