At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
