I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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