Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
