I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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