Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
